4 guys and a girl

Four Guys and One very Perplexed Girl

I can never explain how I always weave a very complicated web of relationships. (Maybe this is my way of making my uneventful and boring life more interesting). Whatever the reason is I am now in a crossroad of my life when I am facing four roads into diverse oblivion North (the current suitor), West (the current boyfriend), East (ex boyfriend), and South (the textmate).

North, he is the current suitor. He was my classmate when I was in grade school when I was still in my pre-angst period. I don’t know what he saw (or imagined) in me that made him subconsciously wait for my undying devotion, love, “matamis na oo”…whatever. He is claiming that he had been waiting for years for the time that I would be single again (talk about crappy pick up lines). He thinks that I am the right girl for him. I really do not know about that part. I know I am very unstable, moody, fickle and neurotic. He hasn’t realized that yet (hehehe) wait till he get to hand around me…I am sure he definitely rethink his choice of girl (well unless for him love is blind, deaf and dumb).

West, he is supposedly the current boy friend. Due to his very unpredictable attribute I thought that some strong wind had blew him to other shores (maybe the sunnier kind). Well somehow he has risen again (Easter na kasi). I really do not know what next with him. I guess I just wait till another hard gust of wind to take him away.

East, he my ex-boyfriend which promoted (or demoted) to being my best friend. Well he is always there for me. From the textmate days, to lovey-dovey days, to long distance love affair to the current wholesome days. I know that in my future he will still be there. I have shared four years with him so he is already a big chunk in my disfigured love life.

South, he is my textmate and the guy who makes my unlimited load worthwhile. We used to close but not close friends. We used to talk to the phone all the time but never really talked when we see each other. People assumed we were a couple but we never were. He is fun with out strings attached. A guy I could tell all my insanities but I can never personally see.

Somehow these four guys are part of my past; I guess I need someone new to refresh my disfigured love life. J

fix of a broken heart

The fix of a broken heart

I woke up today with uneasy sense of reality. Today will be another day which I would face sheer uncertainty. So far nothing makes sense with what I have been doing. One moment I am living out my passion with art and then the next I become this depressed lonely being. Yesterday was another vague attempt to validate my reason of existence in this world. Obviously material things could never satisfy anything spiritual. Then there’s my attempt to face my fears which later lead to confusion and undeniable impair. My friend Ice told me that I know the solution of my problem but I do not do anything to fix the problem which is very true. I am just imagining that I have a special connection with someone when actually everything is just a power struggling with another person. I do not love him but I just want to conquer his sullen heart. I know but I just ignore the clear fact that he loves another girl and that girl loves him back. I just miss the days when someone loves me dear and holds me special in his heart. I am still this hopeless romantic despite my angry nature. I don’t know why I don’t want to face reality and forcibly hung into false romances. Maybe I thought that it would accompany me through my aimless existence. I know I must let go and good this would follow.

You know my fix for a fake broken heart are researching about the latest on the horror flick genre, watching horror movies (trying to discern their plot if there is one), write my insanities (like what I a doing right now), reading a couple of suggestive text, and fixing my attention to my real love. In summary its just blood, gore, sex, and art. The typical components of a derange manic depressive being. J

hehehehe ID picture

Posted by Hello

profile

i was asked to make my profile and this is the result but i think i still have many things to update thought. . .
Melissa M. Arbotante
Personal Information
Address: ****************************** Bangkal Davao City
Mobile No.: 0920-******* / 0922-******* Tel. no.: *******
E-mail: miles0282@yahoo.com Blog: http://ngitngit.blogspot.com
deviantart: www.miles0282.deviantart.com
Birthday: Dec. *, **** Nationality: Filipino Religion: Roman Catholic
Interests: Asian Horror movies, Computer Generated Animated movies, music videos, Fashion Photography, Advertising, graphic arts, modern and post modern art, philosophical novels, Horror novels
Hobbies: watching MTV, FTV, experimental painting, macro photography, collecting shoes, redecorating t-shirts, collecting back issues of fashion magazines, writing and imagining fantasy stories
Short-term plans: make a good portfolio, study different software related to graphic arts, and escape the strict clutches of parental authority
Long-term plans: continue further studies of graphic arts, commercial arts in New York and have a career in advertising
Education
2000-2004 College of the Holy Spirit Manila
Bachelor of Fine Arts Major in Advertising
1996-2000 Ateneo de Davao University
Secondary Education
1990-1996 Philippine Women’s College of Davao
Primary Education
Job Experience Pilipinas Shell Pet. Corporation Km 10 Sasa Davao City clerk
On the Job Training Reach-Out Program 2003
J. Walter Thompson Company (Phils.), Inc. The Enterprise Center, 6766, Makati City 1226
Achievements and Organizations
Two-star honor, 1st semester, 2003-2004
One-star honor, 1st and 2nd semester, 2002-2003
One-star honor, 1st semester, 2001-2002
Overall Chairman “Synergy” 2004 Graduation Exhibit
Action Literary Folio, Writer
Fine Arts Organization, member
Skills
Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Page maker, Adobe Premiere, Adobe Aftereffects
Photography, Ad layout, Logo and package Design, stage and fashion design, scriptwriting, copywriting


* hehehe too personal kasi

in circulation

My world has turned upside down again. I do not know if i am still grounded but at least now i get to attend the scriptwriting workshop at UP Mindanao Anda. It starts tomorrow and ends on the 15th. At least i would be preoccupied with things that is worth while.

The other day i did not sleep the whole night, i only slept around 9 am because at that time my eyes were really really tired and it was my limit. That night i finished reading 11 minutes, put something in my blog, write something in my organizer, and watch the sunrise. Watching the sunrise somehow gave me peace and unexplainable happiness. At that moment i did not think of anything but i had just let myself go and be one with nature....hehe

then that afternoon i got a call from Rachelle and a visit from Honeycel and so i am up and running again in my strugle called Life.

Tomorrow's challenge is not the writing but having lunch. I hope i go through eating with out vomiting. Wish me luck!

11 minutes part 2

a while ago i was filled with lots of ideas on what i would put on my blog and right now that i am in front of the computer suddenly i am again lost for words.
i had just finished reading 11 minutes (well obviously i would not have been quoting it if i didn't read the book). it made me rethink about my relationships lately. . . well somehow it show me truths that was just standing in front of me...i want to go into details but sad to say this i cannot. i know that there is probably only one to two persons who checks out my blog (mon and joy) but i am still hesistant to unveal myself.

tomorrow another none sense day.

i hope one day will come when i find meaning in it all

11 minutes

"All my life, i thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement.
Well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love is present.
The person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly.
And the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free.
That is why, regardless of what i might experience, do or learn, nothing makes sense.
i hope this time passes quickly, so that i can resume my search for myself-in the form of a man who understands me and does not make me suffer.
But what i am saying?
In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.
It hurt when i lost each of the various men I fell in love with.
Now, though, i am convinced that no one losses anyone, because no one owns anyone.
That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in thw world without owning it."

Paulo Coelho
(from the novel Eleven Minutes)

tunok

i felt that a weight was lifted from my shoulders...well actually i should not be releived. i am currently weaving a self destructing web of my fantasy.

the past few days i have been thinking about making an entry about my current bf, my relationship with him, my x, my relationship with my x, the x gf of my bf, and my relationship with her. its sounds like a math problem don't you think( i mean with all the x's)?

then somehow i get to think about it...

i wanted to write about how sad i am with my current relationship then i do not want to be negative so ill aproach it in a more positive way.

the main reason why i like my current bf is basically because he makes me feel like i am still in High school.

he is like one of my silly crushes...i mean i am not really sure of his feelings so most of the time i just wish...that he also likes me the way i like him. Then i am jealous of girls that does not really exist. Then i treasure the snipets of time that i am with him.

He makes me feel young again, he makes me feel unsure, uncertain and unconsolable. The whole relationhip is hanging on a balance. i do not know if we have a future. i do not know if he is really serious about me or is he still in love with some one else.

i am like a teenage girl who does not know better...

i remember what a friend said "its very hard to play dumb when you are not dumb."

i tried to escape loving DW because being so far away from him hurts me but now i am again in a situation where i still get hurt. This time i have no control over my feelings. i had just blown everything out of proportion.

me and my big mouth.