tunok

i felt that a weight was lifted from my shoulders...well actually i should not be releived. i am currently weaving a self destructing web of my fantasy.

the past few days i have been thinking about making an entry about my current bf, my relationship with him, my x, my relationship with my x, the x gf of my bf, and my relationship with her. its sounds like a math problem don't you think( i mean with all the x's)?

then somehow i get to think about it...

i wanted to write about how sad i am with my current relationship then i do not want to be negative so ill aproach it in a more positive way.

the main reason why i like my current bf is basically because he makes me feel like i am still in High school.

he is like one of my silly crushes...i mean i am not really sure of his feelings so most of the time i just wish...that he also likes me the way i like him. Then i am jealous of girls that does not really exist. Then i treasure the snipets of time that i am with him.

He makes me feel young again, he makes me feel unsure, uncertain and unconsolable. The whole relationhip is hanging on a balance. i do not know if we have a future. i do not know if he is really serious about me or is he still in love with some one else.

i am like a teenage girl who does not know better...

i remember what a friend said "its very hard to play dumb when you are not dumb."

i tried to escape loving DW because being so far away from him hurts me but now i am again in a situation where i still get hurt. This time i have no control over my feelings. i had just blown everything out of proportion.

me and my big mouth.