ggb

one friend said hirap talaga pagGGB...gulo gulo ang buhay. i do know how i do it but i always end up in a very complicated predicament... Im a creep. Im an A hole i dont belong here... sitting in front of the computer with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks all i could do i write the candy coated nightmare i am in. i am losing my friends. My parents hate me. My sister is worried sick about me. someone i love is suffering because of me. What have i become? i have become a monster...that the world does not need. i feel the world would be better with out me in it. i have failed my students. i am not like this. i do not usually abbandon my responsibilities or forsaken what i believe in. Somehow the turn of events made into this dark being that even i am appaled by its existence. i want to ask for forgiveness and turn back time... what is done is done. i could not easily have a fresh start. my life is tainted black ubusin ko man lahat ng chlorox sa world. i would try though...even though i want to die badly i could never take my own life. somehow i do not want to give up. no matter how bad people said about me i do not believe in those things. they do not know me. i am not those things. if only they have given me a chance. but putrid creatures like me should be given a second chance? i should be burned alive. if this is my last day this is my messages for people... rachel: i do miss you. i got lots to tell you. i really want to join but the way things are going i do not know if i could. if you see .... you know who tell him na hope he is doing ok. rachel di naman talaga kita ipagpapalit kahit kanino nu! kaw pa one of the few precious friends that i have. rolin: andidto! uy di kita nakalimutan. ikaw pa! hehhe you never fail to make me laugh. tapos galing mo pa magbigay na advice...and those qoutes. hehehe continue being cute and cudly sa mga friends mo. hehehe dodi: uy happy birthday pala. may gift gud ako sa yo. kitz: hope you wud let me explain. sorry na whatever it is. karl: you are always there maski parang feeling ko na abandon na ako ng lahat ng tao. you kept me san and never lose hope. toto: dami ko kasalanan sa yo. hope you would never give up on me. our love is more than what it seems meg: sorry talaga na parang nagdrift away ako sa yo. i did not say na si toto lang nakakaintindi sa akin. di kasi ako nakakauwi sa bahay kaya di tayo nakakapagusap. kita na lang tayo sa himas land. parents: sorry for all the inconviniences i brought you. sorry if i could never fit the perfect daughter. i wish i could have been a better one. joe: i know di ka nagbabasa ng blog pero anyways i still write you a message. No matter what happen friends naman talaga tayo, you should not hesitate to telll me anything. ikaw isa mga tao i could easily open up. gf ni joe: you should take good care of him kasi he is a very pure hearted spongebob seahorse. hehehe i know he loves you. brian: ayusin mo yan board exam mo! bka kung ano ano na ginagawa mo dyan sa cebu. nikki, kate and rose: salamat for being there for me when i needed someone to talk to. you treated me as your barkada and not a teacher. di naman talaga nyo ako teacher in the first place. jervy: take care of her. thanks pala sa pagtulong judge ng contest winners. mrs. b: good luck sa pagaayos ng FA. sorry kung nagquit ako. Tom: hoy may kasalanan ka pa sa akin. kung mamatay ko karun ikaw una nako multuhon! biboy: di talaga kita makalimutan. musta ka na kaya. cute cute na siguro ng baby mo. hope ill see you soon. mia c: hoy miss na kita! hirap pala talaga magteacher! sana may mabalitaan ako sa you soon. mon: ano nangyari sa yo? miss ko na chat natin! hay dami ko chika sa yo as in! elaine: happy ako nagtext sa akin. mona, love, mylene and eva: kayo talaga mga friends ko sa faculty. sensya na kung medyo di ako nakakasalamuha sa inyo lately. ang dami pa ko gusto sulat... gawa siguro ako ng part two.

awoken by the TV

The image was at first blurry. I had just woken up from my sleep. Disoriented and fazed at first but the familiar face on TV made me realize that it was you on TV. Somehow your face ignited a thousand images of the past. Like watching a silent movie in slow motion I saw a blink of time frozen in memory. The fresh smell of incense assaulted my senses. I closed my eyes and opened my mind into another reality. I could feel again the texture of your hair and the renewed feeling of stolen moments…I opened my eyes and saw a new reality that what I just saw was a past I have abandoned. A new thirst to see you awakened but bitter aftertaste of my present predicament burned my wanting.

I turned off the TV.

I opened the computer. I wrote about what I had seen but instead I wrote about a tormented love story printed in frustration. I know I am running away again from my present complicated web of exhausted survival. Sleep is absorbing again all my energies. The delicate music of choice somehow alleviates the need to rest. No time to rest. Tomorrow will be another day of constant flux of my sanity. I must arm myself with replenished hope. I must unbind the chains of authority. My hands are already bleeding. I can no longer live between two worlds or I will lose sight of my uncertain future.

Even though I am in deep tribulations my insatiable passion for creativity still fuels my struggle to live life.