mundane

My life is filled with mundane things that I do not want to write about it. I wish my life is like a movie and I am the screenplay writer. I get to frame the most significant events of my life and edit out the boring rituals that fill my life. Unfortunately life is not like a movie.

When I wake up I have to pee, brush my teeth and comb my hair. I am no movie star that does not need to all those things. They just wake up looking eternally ravishing and poof fascinating things happen to them. In reality I have to think what I would do in order to make my day significant.

Boredom is my constant companion and time is my enemy.

I am always waiting, hoping, wishing and writing down things. Everyday my checklist grows but I rarely accomplish what is in my checklist. Still I write down things to do.

What I have written so far is like my life. It has no focus and direction. I just write down what pops in my head. I need to concentrate…

Luckily no one really reads my shit so I can be chaotic and disorganized as I want to be. This is just my therapy.

I know I have been obsessing about being depressed and suicidal that if I had been paid to do these shit I would have been rich by now. People are not paid to be said. People are paid to do work. When I am already at my wits end and probably I was already on the edge of my sanity my flushed red boy comes along.

He does not really alleviate my pain but still I succumb with his promise of fun. He is like a certain candy with a sweet addictive taste and acid sour aftertaste. I really want to get him out of my system. Specially when he is going away and he will probably leave me here to rot in my dismay.

First I must list down things why is should forget about him. This is my top ten.
He is always uncertain about everything.
He denies everything
He ceases to find ways to disappoint me
He is very immature
He is afraid of being caught
He wants my framed graduation picture
I can not really sure if he is loyal
He will never fight for me
I think that he does not think about me like the way I think about him
I have to share him with everyone!!!!

I know that I am very self destructive. I do not seem to want to be happy. He always causes my heart to ache but still! I admit it I am stupid. Super duper stupid. Hope he will ran away with his best friend and leave me be. But if he will do that I will be super sad and not just be sad I will be depressed. Hmm not a bad idea though. Maybe this time I would finally have the guts to actually put into action my suicidal ideas. But then again…I know I would not do that. I’ll just write about it or make an art about it.

I love being this dark doomed character.